25 Weeks!

Time for an update. Julien kicks all the time--he's even kicking now! It's such a beautiful feeling, and I treasure it now more than I ever did with my past pregnancies. I'm getting so excited about the life growing in me. I know that these months are going to be my most peaceful moments. The last month will be extremely difficult, so I am relishing the second trimester. Here are some fun 25 weeker comparisons of my pregnancies with Josiah, Jonas, and Julien, respectively.
The past few weeks have been very difficult in other ways, though. My grandma passed away on July 17th, and the funeral was the following Wednesday in my hometown of Sidney, NE. My grandpa hadn't been doing well for over a month and was in the hospital about an hour away from there, so he couldn't even attend the funeral. It was so sad. Then, two days after we buried my grandma, my grandpa passed away. They died within a week of each other. My grandma had Alzheimer's for the past ten or so years, and it got progressively worse over the last couple of years. I barely recognized her the last time I saw her in the nursing home, which was in June. But now she is freed from that disease! My grandpa's funeral was exactly a week after hers, and it was a very difficult service. I think that because we were still grieving over my grandma, the pain of losing my grandpa was intensified. I hadn't been to a funeral since Jonas's, but I feet like I've been dealing with death for a year and a half already, so I already knew how to deal with this new grief/pain. We have many treasures that my grandpa left behind. He was an amazing woodworker and had given everyone pieces of his art. I treasure them even more, now. I am also very glad that I have a picture of my grandparents holding Josiah. Jonas is very lucky because he has his great-grandparents to play with him in Heaven. They loved children, so I'm sure they're enjoying that. :)

Julien Reese

He has a name! We were going back and forth between two names for awhile, but finally settled on Julien. Picking a name is SO hard...seriously...I find it humorous that I had a girl's name picked out for almost 10 years and NO boy names in mind. Now we have all boys! :) Julien means "youthful" and Reese means "enthusiastic". We didn't pick his name based on the meaning, but I'm thinking he's going to be a happy little boy with those meanings. We didn't even know the meaning of Jonas until after he was born--I'm not sure why I never bothered to look! But it was a pleasant surprise in the midst of everything.

Since I'm well into the 2nd trimester, I'm constantly hungry and have started packing on the pounds. I wasn't gaining much at all up until a few weeks ago when my body decided I needed more poundage. I won't stress about it, as the previous pregnancies have taught me that I cannot control my weight and pounds=healthy weight baby. Plus, breastfeeding will do wonders for the extra weight I put on with Jonas and this baby. I didn't realize how quickly it makes you lose weight until I compared Josiah's birth, where I lost 30 lbs. in the first 2 weeks, and Jonas' birth--where I lost 10 lbs. in a month because I wasn't able to breastfeed. So, I'm looking forward to that experience again.
Julien moves all the time! It's a beautiful feeling. He's very active, and I'm so surprised how well I can feel him this early. At 21 weeks, Zac could feel him move from the outside. That is WAY earlier than last time! I love it.

I finally began preparing for Julien's arrival. I've been so hesitant. It's not that I didn't have faith, but I didn't want to get my hopes up. One of the most awful experiences was coming home after Jonas was born. That empty crib in a decorated nursery was unbearable. The drawers full of baby clothes that I had so nicely folded for him. Everything was in its place. Everything except my baby boy. He was supposed to be in the "nest" I prepared for him. I remember being angry and crying while taking apart the bassinet in our room. I shoved it in a closet in anger and collapsed in tears. There was so much that I had done in 9 months that had to be undone. Everyone who was awaiting news of Jonas' arrival had to be told the tragic story. My name had to be deleted from "due date clubs" on forums. When WIC called to see how the new baby was doing, I had to tell them what happened. So many awful horrible situations had to come my way! And I had to plan a funeral and bury my son and then leave him in Nebraska while I went back to Germany. This is why it's been so difficult for me to pull out all the baby clothes again and fold them into nice little piles for Julien. In my head, I have more than once asked, "Am I doing this in vain? Are all my preparations going to be for nothing again?" It's such a sad thought, so I try to clear my mind quickly when I think that way. I just know that I couldn't bear such pain again. As the weeks go by, I have more and more hope. Deep down, I know I will be taking my baby home with me this time. :)

Well that's all for now! Here's a belly pic of me at 22 weeks. :)