September 12th was Jonas' 6-month "angelday", or "angelversary" as some people say. It was especially difficult for me because I felt a huge sense of loss, even more so than usual. Six months is when most people start feeding their babies solid foods. It's a milestone. It's the first of many, many sad milestones. The one-year is going to SUCK....the 5-year, 13, 16, 18, 21........not to mention every year on his birthday.
I was doing okay, even through sadness, the weekend of his 6th month. Then Zac and I decided to go to church and OF COURSE that's the day they decided to do baby dedications/baptisms. They brought all the parents and their babies and lined them up in the front. The pastor talked about how babies are a gift from God and that the birth of a baby is such a joyous time in parents' lives. I totally lost it. Tears were flowing no matter how hard I tried to stifle them. My throat got all tight--you know the feeling--and I was hoping nobody noticed. If they did, maybe they thought I was just so happy for the parents and their babies, haha....Zac was struggling too, I could tell. I almost got up and left that part, but right when I decided I'd leave, the ceremony was over.
Unfortunately, the birth of a baby is not always a joyous time. In fact, it could be the worst day of your life! It could taint you forever. It might even leave a deep, dark hole in your heart that will never be filled....Yes those are the real facts of life. Not fair at all...
I bought a baby spoon, tied a blue bow on it, and gave it to my mom to leave for Jonas. My mom said that someone also left a little winnie the pooh bear. Just wanted to say thanks to whoever was so thoughtful!
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