Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Tomorrow's the Big Day!

Tomorrow is my first prenatal appointment. I am 11 weeks and will be 12 weeks on Saturday. You have no idea how scared I am! I think about it all the time and I think how surprised and happy I will be to see a heartbeat. What if there isn't one, though? It's a possibility. I don't THINK it will happen to me, but I still worry. Better now than on my due date, I figure. No signs of miscarriage so far, so I think all is well. I have had many many dreams about miscarrying this baby. I wake up so relieved that it was just a dream! As you can tell, I am very paranoid and very scared. I have so much longer to go, too! God please help me get through this! Pregnancy is supposed to be such a joyous time, but life has tainted me so now my pregnancy is full of fear and "what if"...There is no "safe point" for me in my pregnancy. The books always say that if you get past the first trimester, then miscarriage probably won't happen. Then they say that if you get past 24 weeks and your baby is born early, then there's a great chance she can survive because of medical technology. And then of course once you get into the third trimester...nothing can possibly go wrong except for maybe a premature baby but again the chances of survival are so great at that point. Every book failed to mention how my baby could pass away inside me a week before he was due. I was never warned and I never took kick counts seriously.

So needless to say, I'm so scared! I think that once I see a heartbeat, many worries will wash away. I will be so happy! I will most likely cry. I will probably throw up all morning because of how nervous I will be. My cousin is coming with me and I am SO thankful! I need a lot of support. I will keep you all updated. Please pray for me and little baby Phillips.


  1. I've been sitting here staring at this empty comment box for about 20 minutes. There are no words that I can say that will take away any of your pain or your fears. I do not know what it is like to have a late-term still birth but I did miscarry at 10 1/2 weeks with our third child. So I can understand a little bit of your fear. As hard as it is, rest in God's grace and his mercy. Take comfort in knowing that he is holding your hand and walking step by step with you. Most of all...I am praying for you, Baby Phillips, your husband and Josiah.

  2. Good luck! I hope you find that all is well!