Brownies and a Flower for My Little Man

This photo was taken by the organization "Say it With Flowers", which is very similar to the name in the sand organization. They do this as a gift to bereaved parents. I think it turned out beautiful--I love the white flowers!

I also submitted a recipe in the fall for a cookbook being put together by bereaved parents/relatives for the Miss Foundation, which is a grief forum that I have visited since I lost Jonas. It has helped me tremendously, and I thought it would be nice to have a recipe dedicated to him. It's a brownie recipe that I've made since I was little. My dedication says,

Our Thoughts of You Will Always Be Sweet
In memory of Jonas Elliot, born sleeping on March 12th, 2009. You were just too beautiful for Earth, our sweet little dove.

It's been a year and 3 three months since our little Jonas came. I can't believe it's already been that long. Zac and I just celebrated our 5th anniversary, and tomorrow we find out if we're having a boy or a girl! Definitely nervous as usual, but tomorrow's ultrasound will be an in-depth look at how our baby is doing so it will give me lots of reassurances. They'll be looking for all sorts of issues, and I expect none. I will always fear that earth-shattering silence instead of a heartbeat, but I am feeling very optimistic. The main reason is because I can now definitely feel some little kicks in there! It began a few days ago. I know I felt some little "bubbles" at about 14 weeks, but I didn't want to get my hopes up. I haven't felt movement after that until now. It's very reassuring.

Also, I've been trying to focus on relaxation. I ordered this cd, called "Heartstrings: Visualizations for Pregnancy." So far, it's been wonderful. If I start to feel stressed or overwhelmed, I grab the ipod and listen to this. It's a mixture of instrumental music and affirmations. There's a woman who says things like, "My body is a safe haven for my baby," or "My baby is surrounded by peace and joy." Slightly cheesy, yes...BUT it works. It's what I need, and I'm so happy I bought it. The fears aren't going to go away, but things like this can help calm them.

Well, I'll be updating this tomorrow for sure after my appointment! Once again, please think of me and pray for me. :)